I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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