Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
