I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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