very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
