I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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