He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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