I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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