Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
