I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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