I will die if light touches me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
