she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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