Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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