Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
