my phone needs a breathalizer
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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