My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
