Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
