u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
