If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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