HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
