no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
