I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
