My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
