Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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