Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
