sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
