so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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