after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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