hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
