I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
