i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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