Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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