Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
