I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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