i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
