I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
