3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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