Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
