Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
