I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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