if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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