I want to stick my p in your. b.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
