i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
