Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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