I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
