At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
