i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
