I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
