i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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