he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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