a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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