"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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