So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
