Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
