I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
