Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
