Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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