I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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