When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
