Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
