can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What drink are we having for lunch?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
