You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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