If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
