my phone needs a breathalizer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize