And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found the puke drawer
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
