i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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