I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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