Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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