Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
