He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
