Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We are all done wearing pants today
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
