I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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