Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
