...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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