see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
