lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
