Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
