Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
