I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
