i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
