What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
