I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
