So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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