Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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